Hope, Fear, Joy, Grace, Unconditional Love

I realize there have been very few posts from me lately!  Wow since Valentine's day!  Well, to be honest I have just been soaking up all the family time I can.  Matt, Eli, and I are having a blast being a family again.  We are hanging out with family and with some amazing friends.  I am so grateful for the new friendships God has brought to us and to some older friendships He has restored.  You don't realize what a 'bad' work schedule does to your life in general.  But, we are happy and blessed and loving life and praising the One Who gives us all we have every second of every day! 

If I'm totally honest with my followers, if there are still any hahaha, the real reason you haven't heard from me is because each time I sit down to post anything, I want to just 'cry on your shoulder'.  And I feel like that's a downer post that no one wants to read... Well, I think it's time I let myself get out there what I'm feeling!  

I feel so incredibly blessed in life!  God has given me more than I deserve, that's for sure.  I am a daughter of Christ!  I have an amazing husband who loves me and all my flaws.  I have a wonderful son who thinks I hung the moon and who calls me a princess.  I have a great job, nice home, ample money, food, clothes, family, reliable cars, on and on and on.  Please know that I realize God loves me!  So why then do I feel forgotten?  Why do I feel I am not good enough?  Why do I get angry at God for not hearing me?  

For over three years we have tried to get pregnant with another child and it has not happened.  We are so disappointed each month when THAT comes.  The fact that we have a child may make some ask why do we think we need more, why can't we be happy with what we have?  But, that's what you don't get, we are so happy with our son he's why we want another child!  We want him to have a family!  My siblings were way older than me and I don't have memories of playing with them or fighting with them even.  I want Eli to have those memories.  I want him to not be alone in growing up.  When Matt and I are old I want my KIDS to take care of us, not just one, it's too much for one child to do esp. when he will probably have a family of his own by then.  Matt and I have always seen our family with a boy or two and a girl.  ALWAYS!  It's like it's a no brainer.  I know my God is bigger than these diseases and I know He loves me and hears my cries and I also know His timing is perfect.  Knowing these things and feeling them daily is so hard!  Why do we as humans struggle so badly with this?  Am I the only one who asks WHY?  

We have things going on in our life right now that are very wonderful and very positive.  Things I ask you to pray for, but as of now we cannot share.  Don't worry, God knows what you're praying for!  ; )  I do really well to stay focused and keep my faith and know that God is in control.  Yet, when I sit alone my mind just races in all directions and I can't stop it!  I feel like a pin ball machine.  


I know this post is all over the place but that's how I feel lately... All over the place.  


I want to say that I am so thankful for a God Who knows me better than I know myself and Who loves me despite that knowledge!  I am thankful for my husband who is my rock even when he knows nothing to say.  I am thankful for my son who can push my buttons quicker than you can say giddy-up but who melts me just as fast.  I am thankful for friends I can count on fully.  I am thankful for my life.  


Lord, 
Only You know the end of this story.  And only in Your time will it be revealed.  God I trust You.  I ask that you continue to wrap me in Your arms so I know You're in control.  Father please guide those who have choices to make.  Abba Daddy I love You more and more each day, I look in my son's eyes and I see You, I see the love You have for me and I want to continuously fall in more love with You.  Thank You for willingly dying for MY sins so that I may struggle through this life a little less knowing You are in control and more importantly so that I may spend eternity with You!  I pray that in Your perfect timing our family is completed.  And when that day comes I will rejoice in Your name so loudly the mountains may shake!  Praise be to the One and Only King of Kings and Lord of Lords! ~Amen

WONDERFUL Valentine's Day!!!

I have to say this year was one of the best Valentine's day I have ever had! We usually don't really do much for it, but this year Matt really went all out! First off I got these beautiful flowers @ work!



I knew we were all (Matt, Eli, and I) were going out to eat Friday evening, but when they came to get me from work Eli wasn't with Matt... He had set up for Eli to stay over all night at his parents! WOW!!! So we went to Lone Star (kid-less mind you) and were going to go to a movie (that wasn't animated haha) but by the time we got done eating it was too late for a movie, so we went and rented a couple then came home! We snuggled up on the couch and watched one of our movies then a show we had DVR'd. Saturday morning we both slept in til 9:30!!! It was great!

I truly felt special! I love him more each year! This was out 11th consecutive Valentine's day together! I still remember the first one! God has truly blessed me with my best friend/husband!!!!

Baking Valentine Cupcakes....

Eli loves helping me in the kitchen! We made some pink cupcakes with pink icing and decorated them w/red sprinkles, red hots, and pink, red, & white M & M's!! Cooking with my little man is such fun! This time he even broke an egg with one hand!

2010 SNOW-fest

As I sit here catching up on my blog that I have so neglected for the past couple months I am reminded of how much I enjoy blogging!!!

Today is Saturday and we have been home since mid day Thursday b/c we here in Oklahoma land had another ice and snow storm!!! Craziness... and yet as much as being cooped up inside can drive you nutty, I have to say I am happy to be getting cabin fever w/the 2 most amazing people in my life! : )(oh and my lil dog too hehehe)

Today, we took Eli out back to play in the SNOW... take a look...

Brief over-view

Well, hello blog world!!! It has been FOREVER since I posted! I will try to do a quick Christmas update....

First of all we are singing praises to the King of Kings and Lord of Lords... God answers prayers!! His timing is not always our timing, but believe me He is still in the business of answering prayers!! 2 1/2 weeks before Christmas Matt & I took Eli to school and headed out to do some Christmas shopping, while we were in Kohl's Matt got a call from WalMart... He wandered off talking on the phone then when he wandered back to where I was he told me they called him to tell him he got a weekday shift!! After over 3 years of being on weekends he finally was where we want him to be! God couldn't have blessed Matt more w/better bosses on this shift! We are so thankful for this prayer to be answered. : )


We had a great Christmas, it was beautiful w/the SNOW! My family ventured out to our house on Christmas eve night, everyone made it out but my 88 yr old grandma. Travel went off almost w/o a hitch... my sister's cell phone was lost and on the way home her car ended up in the ditch, but with the help of kind strangers she and the kiddos were just fine! (we didn't find her cell until Jan 8th when the stuff melted) HAHAHA Then Christmas mid morning Matt, Eli, and I headed out to Owasso to see Matt's whole family! It took us quite a while to get there, but we made it! We had decided if we headed out to go there, we would just spend the night... so that's what we did! It was a good Christmas! We are so blessed to have family and friends so close.

Here are some random Christmas pics...


My brother in law, Jeff


Eli and his new electric Spiderman toothbrush


We had drifts that were almost 4 feet! It was insane!!


My niece Alex and I on Christmas eve


We made a ginger bread TRAIN!!! FUN


That is a VERY short over-view of our Christmas season... Hope everyone had a wonderful holiday season (seeing as it is now ALMOST February! hahaha)